my dad is still here, that's good.  I basically came home shoveled some snow and then i went to bed for a while.  I just felt like laying there with my head covered up.  If my dad hadn't been here I probably would have just drank myself to sleep today.  All i can ever think about is the good times i used to have.  Now i don't have any friends to hang out with and there aren't any good times happening.  I feel bad, my dad is here and all I want to do is go to bed and cry.  All i can think about is sarah going out with somebody else of valentines day.  It just seemed like she tried so hard to forget me.  How can she not want all the good times we had to continue.  I miss all the fun we had so much.  I hate this, I hate this town, I hate how I feel every day, I hate how a treat my parents, I'm so tired of it.  

My dads dog is having surgery tomarrow so he is gonna be staying with me for a coupla days. I feel bad for himi he really likes his dog, it will probably be ok, but it's still bad.  That's probably good he'll be here for v-day, it'll keep me from doing something stupid. 

I have a new goal in life, I want to become the executive of a company.  This company has to make enough money so I can have a dinosaur bone desk.  I would really like to go to golf outings with other execs just to ask them what there desk is made out of.  And then tell them i have 4 palentologist clean my desk weekly "Who cleans your desk? some mexican"

I"m finally dangerous at work, meaning I can sign off on my own work now.  It's good it was kind of a hassle to have somebody check the work that I know how to do very well.  I still ask a buttload of questions but it helps. 

I found a facebook like site.  Anyway some 44 year old lady sent me a wink.  I promptly canceled my profile.  I thought I would maybe meet some people im anderson to hang out with, instead I get a wink from an old lady. 

anyway i gotta go to bed

Lee

today was just an all around shitty day.  I felt bad all day.  When i was making supper i dumped my spagetti noodles in the sink, so i ate pizza rolls for supper.  I really didn't do anything. 

Neel called and talked for a while, he is going through the same things I am, I feel bad for him I wouldn't wish this on anybody.  Basically meg is saying she might want to get back together.  It's not fair to neel because he has worked so hard to get over her and she just comes back and says...."maybe".  He is back in the same place he was.  She knows what a relationship with him is like, it's not a big mystery.  I think he is the same as me where he doesn't understand how you can always get along with somebody and share everything and them just not want that anymore.  He's been trying to cut of contact with her but she just showed up at his place, i know that must have torn him up inside.  It like one day you have your best friend right there with you and then all the sudden they are like "well i guess not" and it's over.  I"m glad sarah doesn't taunt me like meg does neel, but i do wish she would call, i miss her so much.  She said i thought she was crazy, i never thought she was crazy i just didn't understand how she could throw everything we had away.  Several people have told me if she left because you got to close, to just wait.  I don't have a lot of hope for the future.  I know she won't come back even if she wanted to she wouldn't, I knew she was gonna leave me just the same.  It didn't matter what I did she was gonna leave.  I just wish I could get her out of my head.  If this is what she wants then she needs to get out of my thoughts.  I don't want to think about the good times we had, I don't want to think about what she is doing.  She never would say she was happy without me I don't understand why if she wan't happier it had to be that way. 

I need to sleep, i hope i can tonight

Lee

work is still going well, i've finally trained myself to not look at the ball state billboard on the interstate.  It still hurts that i work 10 minutes from my best friend and live 20 minutes from her.  I think i'm gonna join the gym tomarrow.  I'll stop by after work. 

I got my first round of bills last week.  I'm not sure i like being an adult.  It's nice to actually have money, but then again, I enjoyed having basically no responsibilites of college. 

I"m gonna bake amanda a cake next time i go to purdue.  I've put it off for a long time.  Sarah wanted to help me make it for her, but i guess i'll have to make it without her.  I hope i make a decent cake.  It probably won't be as good as the one I made neel, but i guess that is irrelivent now too. 

I just wish things didn't have to be this way.  I'm tired of this town, i'm tired of being unhappy.  I think at the one year mark at my current job i'm gonna start looking for a new job somewhere that has young people and fun stuff to do.  I just need to get away from here.  I never thought this would be my life.  When i was young I never thought I would grow up to be this, I don't even know what I am.  I wish I had traveled around more, but I guess I"m still young, I just feel old. 

Well, i'm gonna try to sleep, my dreams usually keep me awake

Lee

My brother and his wife came to visit this weekend.  It was nice to have visitors, I don't like being alone all the time.  They aren't really exciting people to be around, but it was still nice to see them.  My mom sent a picture frame up to me that had a bunch of pictures of me from graduation.  I hung it up but i think i'm gonna take it down, it's really obvious that everybody else is happier than I am in the pictures.  I still can't believe I finished school and this is my life. 

I bought a box of the new magic set this weekend.  I already have some ideas for the next ptq.  I just have to find a place where people play.  I know there is a place in muncie, but the closest I go to muncie is work.  Anyway, I think this deck will really kick some A, hopefully it does because that means money for lee. 

I finally got my surround sound hooked up too, i don't watch that many movies anymore, so it's kinda pointless, but maybe i'll try to watch more movies this next week.  I really need to go join the gym this week too.  I think I'm over the illness i had,  i had a sore throat and just felt like shit all the time (probably Anderson Posioning)

There also seems to be a lot of ugly people in this town.  I pointed that out to my brother and his wife on friday night when we went to wal-mart and they agreed.  We thought that maybe it was just the wal-mart that attracted ugly people and it wasn't anderson, but from my own personal experience most people here are not "easy on the eyes". 

I guess I need to go to bed.  I'm an adult now. 

lee

I"m so tired of this, I still cry everyday.  I feel bad all the time.  I don' t understand how this can make her happy and me so sad.  You do find out how much some friends really do care for you when you feel like this.  A lot of people I didn't expect to give a crap about me have really been there to help.  I went to purdue last weekend, after i performed dismally at the magic tournament.  It's hard to go to those too.  If this is what she wants i want her to be happy, I just don't understand why I have to love her so much and to hurt this bad for this long.  I come home everyday and do nothing but play world of warcraft.  It's a fun game, but the real reason I play it is so I don't have to think about anything.  This town is so miserable, there is nothing here.  Even the gaming store sucks.  I finally know one guy in town and he is kinda weird.  I also met the guy that runs the gaming store, but I really don't like him either.  If someone has any ideas about how i can get over this feel free to call and tell me.  I'm tired of crying and thinking about her all the time.  If one thing good has come out of this it's that I don't eat reese's seasonal peanut butter cups anymore.  She broke up with me the day I finished the pack she got me for my birthday, now everytime I see them in the store I get sick.  It's even worse now that they have the valentines day ones out.  I hate it.  Maybe I'll call in sick on V-day and just drink all day.  I'm glad I actually like my job.  It keeps me busy, if i had a job that i didn't like and had lots of time to sit around, I would proabably be dead.  Trent said they are looking for a QC engineer where he works, I'm tempted to send in a resume'.  It's not that I don't like my job it's just that I hate this area.  This town is dead, there are no educated young people here.  There are no jobs for them.  I did find out I know someone in fishers.  A girl I went to elementary school with lives there. Funny story she married her ex-step-brother, I'm not sure of the legality of this, but it's not cool to marry somebody that had the title sibling to you.    Anyway I really need to go to bed.  I"m getting sick and need my sleep.

Lee

So I went and played poker the other night with some of mike judt's  friends.  I had a good time.  I actually won.  So now I have an extra $40 to spend.  I don't suspect they will invite me back to play with them.  The guy I beat at the end just kept folding like every hand.  His cards were worse than mine sometime, but not everytime he folded.  I got my cards in the mail today, so i'm ready to win a free trip to yokohama.  My deck goes infinite at about turn 4 (this means i don't finish until my opponent is dead).  I probably won't win, but it doesn't look like anybody has been playing eggs at other tournaments, so that means not many people will expect it. 

I'm really bored still.  I went and got dinner with mike judt and pat tillman last night.  Pat is an another new engineer where i work.  He's older and really kinda weird. 

Anyway I think i'm gonna go watch tv, woot

Lee

So today I began a search for some magic cards I  need for a tournament this weekend.  The game is for some trip to an exotic local, I can't remember where, whatever.  Anyway I went to the one shitty local store I know of.  They did have two of the 8 cards i need and for a reasonable price, that's good.  So I went down the road to the other store that is supposed to have magic stuff.  I go in and ask the guy about buying magic singles (loose already opened cards).  He asks me what i need and he begins to laugh at me.  The cards I was looking for are a few years old and have a high level of power in the game, so yes they aren't easy to find or cheap, but I was ready to drop $40 dollars in this guys store and he laughed at me.  So I asked him about regular tournaments he said not many people show up anymore, he doesn't know why.  I know why, it's because you are a douche bag.  If you laugh at new customers looking for high dollar cards I can only imagine what you do to your regulars. Looks like if I want to play cards I'll be driving to indy or castleton, woot.  

I also saw there was this skeezy motel near my place and part of it's sign was shaped like tennese  ( spelling?). 

I went to the grocery store today to pick up some stuff to eat this week.  I"m actually glad the new wal-mart opened, all the trashy people go to the new wal-mart and have abandoned the payless.  I just feel dirty wheni go to that store, but not today. 

beer me

Lee

I've been pretty busy with work and that is actually a good thing.  I still hate this town there are no young people here, or at least that's how I feel.  It seems the only young people I run into are complete morons.  I went to penn station the other day and some guy was complaining about the size of the small fries to his (trashy) lady friend.  All he kept saying was "Skimpy"  in the most ghetto-twangy accent I've ever heard. 

I hung out with seth on friday night.  I drove down to indy, he is pretty depressed about merridth (however you spell it) giong to denmark.  I feel bad for him.  He is really committed to her.  I really didn't think he was, but whatever.  We went to some bar to get pizza and there was only one open table and it was being cleaned off.  Seth and I went over to loom over the table so we would get it.  This (bitchy) waitress comes by and tells us we would have to put our names on the waiting list.  I actually opened my mouth and said "Well...".  I promply shut it so we wouldn't get asked to leave.  I was in a pretty pissy mood and wanted to tell her if she wanted us to wait maybe she should go to the door and take names when people came in.  We also saw children of men.  I'm gonna buy the book next time i go somewhere there is a bookstore.  There isn't a good bookstore in anderson.  I went to the library last weekend for a book sale.  There were a ton of people at the library.  I thought "That's funny I didn't think there were this many literate people in anderson".  It turns out that they have CDs and Movies at the library and that is why so many people were there. 

I meet an asian guy named charlie last week.  I always wanted to adopt a asian kid and name him charlie(i'm going to hell).

I played magic this weekend.  It was kinda sad cuz all the people sarah and I used to make fun of were there and up to their old antics.  I got to sit next to a guy we saw one time wearing pants that looked like they hadn't been washed for months.  I actually went and played both days, I didn't have anything better to do.  On my way down somebody thew a lightning bolt at me.  A mustang was in the right lane to pass a semi.  After he passed me and was beside the semi I pulled in behind him.  The roads were still snowy and were pretty slick.  The mustang is next to the semi and hits a pile of snow on the edge of the road.  He then hits his brakes and starts to slide.  He actually spun all the way  around twice in front of me doing 60 miles per hour.  I couldn't see anything but a big could of snow and probably smoke in front of me.  I luckily just missed him by about a foot.  The hole front of his car was torn up from the spin.  Of course at the magic tournament there were the guys from lafayette(the old nice ones).  All of them had to ask me where my girlfriend was.  "I dont' know guys shoot me in the face".  Kevin was asking me what happened and I told him I thought it was just that she felt it was afraid that she would stay with me forever.  I don't know if that's the case.  He told me just to wait.  I don't feel like it matters anymore.  I think i have probably ruined any chance of getting sarah jones back that I might have had.  I told her that she can call me anytime in the future because I'll be single.  I still feel that way.  I still think about her a lot, I don't know how she doesn't miss me.  I think she is just trying to stay busy all the time so she won't miss me.  It's easier to convince yourself you don't love someone if you don't ever have time to think about it.  Oh well, maybe one day i'll feel better.  There was this other kid who always played against us in two headed giant (team magic) and he saw me and even talked to me but he didn't ask about sarah and I"m glad I would have hit him in the face.  He was very annoying and was on some team about wookies, because he had a hairy chest or because he couldn't speak his thoughts in complete sentances.  I don't know. 

I need to be more drunker,

Lee